Love and Lationships

I know you are wondering why I decided to blog on this, especially since I have never been in love or a dating relationship. Its wedding season and everyone is talking about relationships, from friendships to marriage. There are some days, I feel like the “Love Dr” and I’m not even qualified to speak on it. For some reason, people want to know what I think about relationships, so here it is in a nutshell. I have had the opportunity to learn from other people’s mistakes, analyze the situation and reach a rational conclusion. Plus, I am extremely curious and I was lucky to find Godly women who were willing to share their knowledge of relationships with me.

I have been blessed with the guidance of my parents who will celebrate their 36th anniversary this November. They were married at 18 and have been together ever since. There are a few things that I have learned from watching my parents, other successful relationships and reading the Bible. My mom taught me to pray for my future relationship and husband as a young child. So for years, I have been praying for him (he has to deal with me, he needs prayer) and our relationship. If I am going to spend the rest of my life with this man, I certainly don’t want to settle. Over the years my expectations for a relationship have changed, friendship and otherwise. I used to accept whatever was given to me, good or bad. As I grew personally, I became more careful about who I allowed in my life. There are seasonal people and there are people who will be around for life. At some point, I had started to confuse the two and was deeply wounded when those seasonal people left. I am more guarded now but once you get to know me, I don’t really hold back on much.

For examples in friendships, I hold back until I figure out the other person and their boundaries. There are some friends that can say exactly what is on my mind and others that would blush if they only knew. I have a friend that I haven’t figured out his boundaries. He is one of my favorite people but I’m careful about what I say around him. He and I have had more twists and turns in our relationship and been so frustrated with each other. Part of it is that I can’t read him and because of that I don’t speak my mind. He can’t read my mind and I can’t read his. I wish we could, it would be interesting. I hold back with all people, guys and girls at the beginning of the relationship. Most likely, our friendship will be determined by their boundaries and not mine. I have very fluid boundaries depending on the people and how much I like them.

In a dating relationship, I expect the guy to take the lead. So what does that mean, he needs to pursue me. Basically, he needs to come to me and say, hey, I like what you are about and I want to spend some time getting to know you better. If we are already friends, he can talk to me about dating. If he has the courage to come talk to me, I will listen and be completely honest with him. People argue with me about this, but I don’t think the girl should be the one to initiate the conversation. I can’t say I haven’t been tempted to initiate one, but I feel that is a step the guy should take. I am not in the habit of inviting guys to do things because of past experiences. Recently, I stepped out of my box and asked a guy to hang out. Well, that was the most nerve racking event I have ever experienced and gave me a profound respect for men. I was really nervous and everything, even though it wasn’t a big deal. Lucky for me, he is super nice and if he noticed, he blessedly didn’t say anything to me. I have been asked out before and I was honest with them and said let’s be friends first and see what happens. Over the years, I lost touch with the brave guys that asked me out but we remained friends for a long time.

I’ve watched countless women chase men and I get rather amused. However, I refuse to be one of those women. I have seen too many women chase the guy and they’re both miserable. Men were built to pursue. My father told me that if the guy doesn’t pursue me, I have to suck it up and deal. You mean I have to have patience or let it go? I’m really not good at either one of those. If he makes the first step, I will gladly meet him there. I don’t think that you should play games. If I’m interested in a guy and he asks me, I will tell him. I am probably a little too blunt at times so if you don’t want to know, don’t ask. I simply treat people like I want to be treated. If I was a guy and finally worked up the nerve to ask a girl out, I would want her to be super sweet even if she wasn’t interested. I’m just saying, it’s not easy.

My parents taught me to go after what I want and to make educated decisions. They also taught me to be cautious. I may have taken that to the extreme. But, if dating is a precursor before potentially marrying the guy, I’m not going to say yes to just anyone. I want to know who they are and what they are about. My prayer has always been that I would be living my life and a guy comes along that makes me stop to see what he is about. We notice each other because of our character and relationship with the Father. Dating is like an interview for marriage, in my opinion. I have an idea of what dating would be like but I’ve never been in that situation so I don’t know. I know the type of girlfriend I would want to be but truly, I can’t say what I would be like given the opportunity. I have some friends that want to see me in a dating relationship. I know it’s going to be fun and very interesting. I don’t know what the future holds but I’ve been praying about it.

I’ve been asked, “Why are you single?” I’m not sure, but if you figure it out let me know. My singleness does not give you permission to try to fix me up with Tom, Dick and Harry or “fix” me. I might advise you to back away slowly if you try this. I am single. It’s a fact and I don’t need to be reminded of it…trust me, I know. I’ve had, oh say, the last 28 years to figure it out. As Madea says, I’m not angry. LOL, I’m just tired of people treating me like being single is a terminal illness or that there has to be something wrong with me for being single. This is a time where God has really taken my life to the next level. There are days I wake up and think, if singleness is a gift, what’s the return policy. I’d be the first one to step up to the counter and return it. But, God has a purpose for this time in my life and I am determined to make the most of it for His glory.

Well, if you wanted to know where I stand on love and relationships, there you go. Okay, so I didn’t talk about love at all, maybe one day there will be a part II. If you have a specific question or want to know my opinion (I have a ton), let me know. I won’t shy away from it. I’d really like to hear what people have to say. I’m not perfect and this blog is my opinion. I’m not saying there is a right way or a wrong way to do be in a relationship, each person is different. Oh yeah, this isn't for a specific person. For some reason, people think it has to be about someone. Now that all the disclaimers are done, what’s on your mind?

The Celebration of Katherleen

I am blessed that Mother’s Day weekend, I was able to be with my grandmother, my aunt and my mother. It was a fast but awesome weekend. I flew into Atlanta on Friday and spent the afternoon with my dad. We had an open and honest conversation about relationships but that is for another blog. Anyway, on Saturday morning I woke up at 5 AM (this time should not exist) so I could get ready for us to leave at 6 AM. Everyone knows that I am not a morning person, so let’s just say that I was trying to play nice with the kiddies that morning. We had a 4 hour drive in front of us and the surprise birthday party was at 2 PM.

We had a fun and lively conversation, as we normally do on road trips. I’ll refrain from saying who originally said it but the statement was made no less than 6 years ago. So, we were on a trip from Wisconsin, I believe, to Georgia and someone asked, “Do you want to stop and get a creamer?” The other two people in the car were like, we don’t have any coffee. The person said, “No, not coffee. Do you want a creamer? Hurry up and let me know so we can stop.” There was a debate on what a creamer could possibly be between the other two. So they just asked, “Well, what is a creamer?” The person was clearly irritated at this point and said, “Do you want a creamer from Steak and Shake? You always get strawberry.” And the light bulb came on, “You mean a milk shake?” To this day when we see a Steak and Shake, we ask each other, hey, do you want a creamer? I think we laughed for about 30 minutes. Needless to say, we have a lot of laughs when we get together.

We arrived in Valdosta, GA around 10 AM. I was the first person my grandmother saw when she came out, part one of her surprise. She actually had no idea my parents were coming either because my mom was sneaky and said we don’t know if we’ll be able to make it. My dad and I picked my mom up at the airport Friday night so my mom had told my grandmother she might be tired from her trip. I hadn’t been in Valdosta in almost 3 years so it should have been a big shock to see me. But, my grandmother was just happy that I was there. She fussed over me like she always does and even after so much time apart, things haven’t changed a bit.

Around 2, we left for the “Mother’s Day Lunch” aka my grandmother’s surprise party. She had no idea until after we finished singing happy birthday (she sang along). Now, you know I love a good party, and I must say this was one of the best ones I have ever attended. My cousin and I read our poems and then we had church. My mother, who is very passionate, told the story about her car accident 30 years ago. My grandmother heard a siren while she was visiting her sister in Florida and she instantly knew my mother was in trouble. She didn’t know what was wrong but she prayed. Have you ever heard the song about prayer? I’ve included a verse:
My mother prayed for me,
Had me on her mind,
Took the time and prayed for me.
I’m so glad she prayed,
I’m so glad she prayed,
I’m so glad she prayed for me.

At the same time that my grandmother was praying in response to the siren; my mother, in GA, was involved in a horrific head on collision. A man at the scene of the accident literally held my mother’s neck in place. If he hadn’t and she had tried to move, she wouldn’t have made it to the hospital. The doctors told my father that it would be a miracle if she lived to see the sunrise in about 5 hours. The drunk driver that hit her walked away from the accident unharmed. However, the two people in the car with my mother died less than 5 years after the accident due to injuries sustained during that time. My mother had to learn to walk after spending months flat on her back unable to move. The doctors said that she wouldn’t make it; that she shouldn’t be here today. But God (my favorite phrase) had other plans. I don’t know where you stand in light of eternity, but God is real. I can testify time after time about the realness of God. I thank Him every single day for my life. See, at the time, I had not been born. I was born almost a year and a half after she had the accident. So had she died, I wouldn’t be here. That is when revival broke out. After my mother’s testimony, we sang songs of praise to our Heavenly Father. Without Him, our lives would not be the same.

I can’t tell you all of the songs we sang or all of the things that people said about my grandmother. But, I can tell you that if you don’t know Jesus, you need to get to know Him quickly. I am a living testimony of how prayer changes things. I could tell you my life story and how prayer changed things in my life. However, I will save that for a later time. I know that some people are thinking that all the things that happened at the time of my mom’s accident were a coincidence and fate intervened and all that. I’m telling you that God orchestrated each event and He is the reason we are alive.

I had an amazing time at my grandmother’s party. I have the most fabulous family in the world and I adore them. Despite our size, we are very close and I pray for them all of the time. Before I go, let me ask you this, Have you told your loved ones that you love them? Have you extended grace to someone or gone out of your way for another person? If not, you should take a close look at your life and the relationships you have. Tomorrow is not promised to you. You need to tell the people who are important to you that you care about them. Yes, it was a very short trip and long way for me to go to surprise my grandmother for her birthday. But, I have the memories of that day, the joy I saw in her eyes and the bond of sharing that event with my family forever. Be blessed!!!

The Legacy of Katherleen

This is the poem I wrote for my Grandmother's Surprise 75th Birthday Party. The next blog is on the party itself.

Each person has a legacy. For some it is written in history, for others it is financial and for most it is the impact on the life of another. There are those that never meet you, whose lives you may have impacted through your influence of someone. Think of the generations of people who do something because it’s always been done that way, that’s someone’s legacy.

If you know my grandmother at all, she has a servant’s heart. If you let her know what you want to eat, she will make sure the meal is ready and waiting for you upon your arrival at the house. And no one seems to have figured out why I don’t want to cook. Not once have I heard her complain about it, she doesn’t make a big deal over it, she just does it. There have been numerous gatherings around her table to share a meal, a laugh and good conversation. She fed my obsession with bacon by always making sure that there was some available if I was coming to her house. If it wasn’t waiting on me when I got there, it was ready to be put in the pan.

The bond between grandparent and grandchild is special. I remember waiting for the bacon to get ready much to my parents dismay, she wouldn’t let them leave until it was done. I remember the tears she shed when I got in trouble. I remember the constant support she has given. I know that I can always call, no matter the time of day or night and she will be happy to hear from me. I know some of the recipes she has shared, even if I avoid the kitchen.

I can’t imagine my life without my grandmother. When I grow up, I want to be just like her. Honestly, it started at a young age when I insisted on being called Kathy. If you are here, it’s because my grandmother means something to you. She has touched each of our lives in unexplainable ways. When I look back over the years, I simply have to smile. I am honored that I am able to let her know on this special occasion that her mark has been left on my life, her legacy will continue for years to come.

Welcome to the Journey to the Corner Office

I am excited to start a blog. I’ve always thought they were cool to read so I decided to step out of my box and write one. Jessica S. is such an inspiration to me, with her cute Southern accent and willingness to kick my butt when I step out of line. Aside from that, she has a heart that is sold out for God and insight on situations that makes me stand back and look at her. When I read her blog, I think, when I grow up, I want to be like Jessica. Since she is younger than me, I’d never grow up but then again, I don’t plan to anyway. She is the inspiration behind me wanting to write a blog.

Honestly, I have been through so much in my life and instead of keeping it to myself, I should share my experiences so that others may learn from it or grow. Many times, we go through things and when someone shares their life with us, we can give advice to help them not make the same mistakes. The Bible is full of stories that minister to our hearts by simply sharing what that person went through. Now, I am not going to be deep and theological, but I will share my life with anyone who wants to read my blog. Naturally, the names will be changed to protect the innocent or the idiots as it may be.

A while ago one of my coworkers gave me a picture of a guy sitting on the beach by a palm tree with a laptop, which I have taped to my cube wall. The caption says your new corner office. When I get upset, I just look up at that picture and remember I have always wanted to live at the beach. I absolutely love the beach and after the millionth time of me complaining about how I wanted to go, I think my coworker thought a picture would help shut me up. I don’t get in the water or lay out. I simply love to sit there and listen to the waves as they crash. So, when I needed to choose a name for my blog, I thought about how life is a journey and I would love to have that corner office. To me, it represents a moment of absolute serenity where I can marvel at the awesomeness of God. Welcome to the Journey to the Corner Office.