Love and Lationships

I know you are wondering why I decided to blog on this, especially since I have never been in love or a dating relationship. Its wedding season and everyone is talking about relationships, from friendships to marriage. There are some days, I feel like the “Love Dr” and I’m not even qualified to speak on it. For some reason, people want to know what I think about relationships, so here it is in a nutshell. I have had the opportunity to learn from other people’s mistakes, analyze the situation and reach a rational conclusion. Plus, I am extremely curious and I was lucky to find Godly women who were willing to share their knowledge of relationships with me.

I have been blessed with the guidance of my parents who will celebrate their 36th anniversary this November. They were married at 18 and have been together ever since. There are a few things that I have learned from watching my parents, other successful relationships and reading the Bible. My mom taught me to pray for my future relationship and husband as a young child. So for years, I have been praying for him (he has to deal with me, he needs prayer) and our relationship. If I am going to spend the rest of my life with this man, I certainly don’t want to settle. Over the years my expectations for a relationship have changed, friendship and otherwise. I used to accept whatever was given to me, good or bad. As I grew personally, I became more careful about who I allowed in my life. There are seasonal people and there are people who will be around for life. At some point, I had started to confuse the two and was deeply wounded when those seasonal people left. I am more guarded now but once you get to know me, I don’t really hold back on much.

For examples in friendships, I hold back until I figure out the other person and their boundaries. There are some friends that can say exactly what is on my mind and others that would blush if they only knew. I have a friend that I haven’t figured out his boundaries. He is one of my favorite people but I’m careful about what I say around him. He and I have had more twists and turns in our relationship and been so frustrated with each other. Part of it is that I can’t read him and because of that I don’t speak my mind. He can’t read my mind and I can’t read his. I wish we could, it would be interesting. I hold back with all people, guys and girls at the beginning of the relationship. Most likely, our friendship will be determined by their boundaries and not mine. I have very fluid boundaries depending on the people and how much I like them.

In a dating relationship, I expect the guy to take the lead. So what does that mean, he needs to pursue me. Basically, he needs to come to me and say, hey, I like what you are about and I want to spend some time getting to know you better. If we are already friends, he can talk to me about dating. If he has the courage to come talk to me, I will listen and be completely honest with him. People argue with me about this, but I don’t think the girl should be the one to initiate the conversation. I can’t say I haven’t been tempted to initiate one, but I feel that is a step the guy should take. I am not in the habit of inviting guys to do things because of past experiences. Recently, I stepped out of my box and asked a guy to hang out. Well, that was the most nerve racking event I have ever experienced and gave me a profound respect for men. I was really nervous and everything, even though it wasn’t a big deal. Lucky for me, he is super nice and if he noticed, he blessedly didn’t say anything to me. I have been asked out before and I was honest with them and said let’s be friends first and see what happens. Over the years, I lost touch with the brave guys that asked me out but we remained friends for a long time.

I’ve watched countless women chase men and I get rather amused. However, I refuse to be one of those women. I have seen too many women chase the guy and they’re both miserable. Men were built to pursue. My father told me that if the guy doesn’t pursue me, I have to suck it up and deal. You mean I have to have patience or let it go? I’m really not good at either one of those. If he makes the first step, I will gladly meet him there. I don’t think that you should play games. If I’m interested in a guy and he asks me, I will tell him. I am probably a little too blunt at times so if you don’t want to know, don’t ask. I simply treat people like I want to be treated. If I was a guy and finally worked up the nerve to ask a girl out, I would want her to be super sweet even if she wasn’t interested. I’m just saying, it’s not easy.

My parents taught me to go after what I want and to make educated decisions. They also taught me to be cautious. I may have taken that to the extreme. But, if dating is a precursor before potentially marrying the guy, I’m not going to say yes to just anyone. I want to know who they are and what they are about. My prayer has always been that I would be living my life and a guy comes along that makes me stop to see what he is about. We notice each other because of our character and relationship with the Father. Dating is like an interview for marriage, in my opinion. I have an idea of what dating would be like but I’ve never been in that situation so I don’t know. I know the type of girlfriend I would want to be but truly, I can’t say what I would be like given the opportunity. I have some friends that want to see me in a dating relationship. I know it’s going to be fun and very interesting. I don’t know what the future holds but I’ve been praying about it.

I’ve been asked, “Why are you single?” I’m not sure, but if you figure it out let me know. My singleness does not give you permission to try to fix me up with Tom, Dick and Harry or “fix” me. I might advise you to back away slowly if you try this. I am single. It’s a fact and I don’t need to be reminded of it…trust me, I know. I’ve had, oh say, the last 28 years to figure it out. As Madea says, I’m not angry. LOL, I’m just tired of people treating me like being single is a terminal illness or that there has to be something wrong with me for being single. This is a time where God has really taken my life to the next level. There are days I wake up and think, if singleness is a gift, what’s the return policy. I’d be the first one to step up to the counter and return it. But, God has a purpose for this time in my life and I am determined to make the most of it for His glory.

Well, if you wanted to know where I stand on love and relationships, there you go. Okay, so I didn’t talk about love at all, maybe one day there will be a part II. If you have a specific question or want to know my opinion (I have a ton), let me know. I won’t shy away from it. I’d really like to hear what people have to say. I’m not perfect and this blog is my opinion. I’m not saying there is a right way or a wrong way to do be in a relationship, each person is different. Oh yeah, this isn't for a specific person. For some reason, people think it has to be about someone. Now that all the disclaimers are done, what’s on your mind?